I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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