Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
