I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
