Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Is it because I queefed?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
