Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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