i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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