yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
