Swine flu. Run for my life!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
