apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
