I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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