Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
