he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
