...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize