This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
