god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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