so that wasnt chicken after all
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
