Sry I called you an 8
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
