So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
