I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
