Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
