if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
