I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
