I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
