he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
