Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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