This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
