that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
