she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
