You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
