Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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