sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We have started to decorate penises.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
