i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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