dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize