I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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