good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
