people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
