I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
