Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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