Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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