so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
