oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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