I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i think my cat just said my name.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
