xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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