Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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