he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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