apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
