my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he wants to bone in the snuggie
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
