She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Even my vagina gasped.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
