Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
