I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
