It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
