woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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