He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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