The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
