I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
