Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
