i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
my liver is dry heaving
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
