Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
