we have pet lesbian snakes
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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