Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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