Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
