Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
