Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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