is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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