everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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