If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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