I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
