Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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