Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
