She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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