Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
