I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
