He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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