FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
