All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We left an ass print on the piano.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
