i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
