Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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