my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
