chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
