remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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