Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
